Prologue

From Dysfunction to Resilience: A Good Road to Travel © Tom Ersin 2023. This is the current installment from the serialized publication of this distinctive self-help book.

Prologue

For many people, the principles of building resilience come easily, that is, they always bounce back from adversity ultimately in better shape than before they started. Some barely have to give it any thought. Aren’t those people annoying? Seriously, for the rest of us, many of whom are children of dysfunction, we have to put out real effort.

If you grew up with a parent or guardian who was alcoholic, absent, emotionally abusive with all that that entails, trapped in “victim” mentality, unstable, or cruel to others — or some combination of these characteristics or worse — you’ve either traveled the road from dysfunction and codependency or you’re still stuck on it. You either have overcome the denial, repressed feelings, compulsive behavior, and low self-esteem or still are trapped in the whirlpool.

The primary principle of resilience is a mindset of continuous self-improvement and learning. There’s always some physical or social skill, coping method, or internal emotional mechanism that we could stand to strengthen. So we strive to better ourselves with the intention of enhancing our happiness, empathy, self-confidence, and humanity throughout life. Cherish the times when all is going well, and be better prepared for those inevitable times when we’ll have to respond to challenge or tribulation.

The way to be better prepared is to determine where in recovery or personal growth you are now, then commit to moving ahead from there on the road of self-improvement. Maybe you’re in need of clinical therapy to begin peeling away a lifetime of accumulated layers of the onion that now surround and conceal a core of emotional pain and dysfunctional living. Maybe a seriously unhealthy habit such as smoking or overeating is calling out quietly to be addressed. Perhaps you have long-overdue amends to make or conflicts to resolve. Or — possibly you’re already versed in the ways of resilience training, formally or intuitively.

Or you’re somewhere between flourishing and fixing what’s broken. This is the spectrum of personal growth. You’re where you are now, and that’s where you’re supposed to be. The only mistake would be refusing to move forward.■

[Tom Ersin holds degrees in communications and counseling. He’s examined long-term dysfunction from both sides of the counselor-client relationship and from within his own nuclear and extended families.] Click here to purchase book. Please leave a rating.